Personal Reflections
Postulant Reflections
Brother Aelred, p/OSB +
Hi! My name is Brother Aelred, and I am a
Benedictine.
I am also an Episcopal
priest and a married man. After some time of active ministry I realized
that I longed for a spiritual life my diocese could not provide: I
needed a true spiritual home where prayer takes as long as it needs, the
Gospel is preached and lived, the holy tradition sustains life, life
shapes the tradition, and reason informs faith. The Companions of St.
Luke-OSB turned out to be exactly what I was looking for. After several
visits to the Abbey and many long talks with the Abbot, the Abbey
residents, and other CSL members, I petitioned the Abbot to receive me
as an Oblate. He allowed me to enter the Oblate Novitiate formation in
May 2007 and the following year received me as an Oblate and named me
Brother Aelred in honor of St. Aelred of Rievaulx.
A year of Oblation bore much fruit. I feel
unbelievably enriched by our style of worship, our monastic feasts and
fasts, our Community’s goals and values. In fact, I feel compelled to
further explore the Benedictine life as it is lived by the Vowed
members of our Community.
Please pray that God will continue to
guide me on this journey to Stability, Obedience and Conversion of Life.
Brother Basil, p/OSB
Once we had a raccoon in the attic. She had one baby.
When she decided it was time for him to be on his own or at least
outside, she called him out of the attic space onto the roof. She
chirred, and chattered. She called and encouraged, but he wouldn’t come
out. Ultimately she went back into the passage and pushed him out.
Once outside he was clearly agreeable to being led on to new things by
his mother.
I think this is how God has dealt with me. Over many
years I was called more than once to the religious life. I resisted. I
found excuses. I just said “no”. I substituted noble work for answering
this call. Once I asked aloud “Why won’t you let me alone?”
Unexpectedly the answer was clear: “Because you won’t let me in.” This
most recent time, it was less a call and more a push. I could not
resist.
Now I have found a community and a style of Benedictine
life which fits. I found this community by an article in “The Episcopal
Voice”. The article described a community with a new approach to the
realization of the Rule of St Benedict in the modern world. I spoke
with Abbott Michael-John and told him about my journey and the things
that had been in the way of my being in professed life. I told him
about the things that I thought might get in the way. He assured me
that the crucial elements had more to do with my perception of call and
my willingness to begin the process than anything having to do with how
society might perceive me, or how I might be looked at by other
religious orders.
Three times (at least) I refused. I have now accepted
the Call. God called me, but also pushed. I have no idea what God
wants from me. I continue to practice medicine full time at a
University hospital and hope that I can balance all the learning and
other requirements of vowed life with my work caring for the
underserved. I believe that my life as a physician serving the
underserved and my life as a Benedictine monk are complementary.
When convocation came I immediately fell in love with
this community. There are so many different skill sets, lines of
expertise and general talents, as well as wonderful senses of humor.
There is such a tremendous joy in the love of God that it is impossible
to feel isolated, but perfectly possible to be alone as needed.
I beg the prayers of anyone who reads this little
story. I seek openness to God’s Grace to give up attachments and habits
of life that keep me from preferring nothing to Christ and to let me
choose not my own will, but the will of God.
Sister Julian, p/OSB
The labyrinth that
Br. Samuel and I built on the hill behind our home has become an ideal
metaphor for the twists and turns of my life of faith. As I walk the
narrow path, the concentric circles bring me closer to the center, then
farther from the center, then finally to the center. Inevitably I leave
the center again to make my way back out into the world where the events
of life continue to draw me forward, never quite sure where the next
turn will be or where the path will lead.
I was born and
spent most of my life in the Deep South where most of my nearest and
dearest continue to reside. Ten years ago Br. Samuel accepted an
opportunity in New England, and I was soon blessed to find myself a part
of a new community of faith where open minds were exploring new
spiritual paths. I was given the grace of time and quiet and solitude,
and in that silence I discovered that I was not the only seeker. I
realized that God was seeking me too, and that God was trying to
penetrate a wall of resistance that I had carefully constructed over my
lifetime. On long walks on the beach, I began to open gradually to the
guidance of the Holy Spirit, and I found invitations everywhere to
respond to God’s presence.
In the past decade,
I’ve been led, guided, nudged, compelled and blessed to experience the
love and comfort, the challenge and demand, and the hope and assurance
that God offers. Increasingly I find that prayer, attentive listening
and intentional awareness are the center of my life. As a lay
Benedictine I was led to structure my days around periods of openness to
God’s call through the practice of daily liturgical offices and silent
prayer.
As I seek God’s
presence, I’ve been led to examine old patterns of expectation and
entitlement. I’ve been asked to release control and to surrender my own
self will. I’ve been shown the damage I’ve done, and I’ve experienced
the reassurance of reconciliation. I’ve been invited to open my heart,
to allow Christ to lead and to explain nothing. I’ve been blessed with
God’s undeniable presence in the voices of strangers, in the wonder of
the natural world, in the love of family and friends, and in the
devotion of my husband and fellow traveler.
When I discovered
the Companions of St. Luke, I felt a compelling need to explore a
connection with this very special community. One week ago today I was
received as a postulant, clothed in my black tunic and given my
religious name. For six days I knew the freedom of surrendering myself
entirely to a strict routine of prayer, I experienced the joy of welcome
and love from new companions, and I rejoiced in the awareness that I was
accepted and acceptable to them and to God exactly as I am.
At this new stage on
my journey, I understand that the seeking and the revealing will never
end. There are obligations to meet, services to render, stories to
hear, books to study, reflections to write and love to share. There is
no arriving. There is only continuing. As I consider the stages along
the road to Vowed Life I think again of the labyrinth. As I emerge from
that Sacred Path, I may have insights or I may just have a handful of
weeds, but I know that tomorrow or the next day, I will reenter the
labyrinth to walk again all the metaphorical turns and twists, and I
will arrive at the center only to be called back out to continue to
explore the path that God is calling me to follow.
Brother
Samuel, p/OSB
 How
can a week so filled with richness have passed so quickly? I arrived at this, my first Convocation, as an aspirant.
Having practiced daily offices as a Benedictine Associate for several
years, I have been guided by Benedict’s rule and my own personal rule of
life. But now I was to be welcomed as a member, not an onlooker, of a
Benedictine community. And I was welcomed, clothed, named and made one
with this remarkable community of brothers and sisters. The days that followed were filled with a reassuring sense of order, prayer and
respect for one another. And then the moment of hugs and I-love-you goodbyes
arrived so quickly, and I was sorry to leave this new family, who were
strangers just days before. Despite the return to my familiar daily routines, I am still living on Convocation time—the rhythms, the prayer
pacing, the community. I have felt clothed in the habit of brotherhood
ever since my return. My prayers, study and reflections daily reinforce
the sense that the monastery, whether in the Missouri or Iowa or in my own heart, is where my reality now resides.
Brother
Stephen Francis, p/OSB
 I
was raised as a fundamental Christian/Nazarene. For years I felt
alienated by the church as a Gay person. When I left for college and
graduate school, I discovered the Episcopal church, that DID welcome me.
For over 40 years I have wanted to become a monk. From my earliest
readings of Thomas Merton and others, I have been seeking guidance in
this direction. Last June my spouse and partner of 28 years passed
away, leaving me stranded, alone, and on a thin edge. One night in
January I was awakened with an epiphany that now was the time to seek
out a monastery.
The Episcopal Diocese of Connecticut’s website has a list of about 20
monasteries. I reached out to some of them, only to be turned down due
to their age limit, or not hearing back from them. Then I took a chance
on CSL. There was something about the community that I saw that
appealed to me, drew me closer – even though it was in Iowa, and I was
born and raised in Des Moines – only 2 hours away! So, I wrote to Abba
and felt an instant connection to him and CSL. As things turned out, I
am now part of the community! I am very fortunate for all of you as one
big family and look forward to our October Convocation. The Holy Spirit
was very evident during our week together, and I cherish that time and
experience. We have a tremendous group of people, and a great choir!!
I now know that I want to journey with all of you.
Brother
Michael Benedict, p/OSB +
 The
most I remember about the Spring Convocation was the all the different
feelings of emotions that I experienced. From being Received into a
Religious Community, to the farewell that had to be made on Saturday to
fellow Brothers and Sisters which five days earlier I had not known at
all. It was exhilarating to be welcomed into a Community with so much
love and compassion, but also sad that we had to depart Conception Abby
and return to our homes and jobs throughout the country. The faces that
I saw during Convocation were so familiar, but new. It was as if I had
known them all from the time of my birth and you all will always be
close to my heart. I look forward to seeing all of you again at the fall
convocation.
Rebekah Taylor, Provisional
Postulant
The road that has brought me to the Companions of Saint
Luke has been bumpy and unpredictable, full of potholes and hair-pin
turns. It has been a journey whose itinerary I could never have dreamed
up myself, too unbelievable even for my own overactive imagination. Yet,
like all Christian stories, mine is in the end a story of love, sin,
forgiveness, and extravagant grace.
Three years ago, my husband and I had yet to meet. I
was preparing to enter a Dominican convent; he was working as a Catholic
priest in Colombia. Somehow, across all those miles, and against all
odds, we came together and fell in love. My son was conceived, and soon,
the course we needed to take became clear. Heartbroken to be leaving the
vocations that we loved, we nonetheless stepped out together in faith to
begin a new life, confident in God’s love for us and for the precious,
unborn child that unexpectedly united our destinies.
Today, both my husband and I feel incredibly blessed to
be pursuing our respective vocations once again, this time within the
warm, welcoming fold of the Episcopal Church. From the moment I first
heard of the Companions of Saint Luke, I felt a weight lift off my
shoulders. The calling I have felt since I was a young child and which I
thought I had lost, to vow myself wholly to Christ, is once again
being nurtured. With my beloved son and husband by my side, and
strengthened by my new religious family, I hope day by day to live into
that call.
Oblate Reflections
Jon Townsend, Novice Oblate
Being received as a member of CSL comes after a journey of many years,
and as with most journeys, at the conclusion it’s good to arrive home.
That’s what I feel like, that I’ve returned home. Along the way I
received a number of nudges, reminders and encouragements, that I was
not always aware of at the time, but looking back I can clearly trace
the path that God has laid out for me leading to Religious Life.
Convocation was wonderful! It’s hard to imagine, had I not experienced
it, how quickly a group of people can become acquainted and create deep
bonds. I was one of a sizeable group of “newbies” who arrived knowing
no one, but left knowing everyone, and feeling that the
love of
Christ had been revealed to me in a myriad of ways during
our week together. I treasure the memories of this week and look
forward with great anticipation to fall Convocation.
During my time as Novice Oblate I also look forward to learning more of
the Rule of our Father Benedict and becoming more comfortable with the
daily pattern of the offices. Week by week I feel a growing connection
with our Benedictine heritage, and increasing assurance that I am doing
what I was meant to do, with the help of God.
Sister Dawna Clare, Novice Oblate
 The
Journey Continues
My
reception as a Novice Oblate during the May Convocation was profound and
meaningful experience. It represents my return to my original
Benedictine roots. I felt like I was coming home. I have been a Roman
Catholic sister since 1969 and while I was doing research for my own
community about new forms of religious life, I came across the CSL
website. After reading the website, I scheduled a time of retreat at
the Abbey right after the new buildings were dedicated. I loved the
Ecumenical spirit of the community and its wonderful hospitality. I
asked Abbot Michael John if I could become an Oblate because I really
felt a call to be part of this Benedictine Ecumenical community and its
spirit. This has been a personal call for me, because of my many years
of promoting an ecumenical spirit among the different churches I have
had contact with in my ministry in my current community and various
parishes I have been part of in California, Missouri and Iowa. My first
religious life experience was as a Benedictine Sister of Perpetual
Adoration at Clyde, Missouri and thus my initial formation was in the
Rule of St. Benedict. I was a member there for ten years.
I
started visiting the Abbey as often as I could since I lived only 2 hrs
away in Davenport, Iowa and I really appreciated being able to pray the
monastic office in a monastic setting again. The pace, presence and
reverence of the community while praying the Divine Office nurtured my
inner life of prayer and enkindled a longing to have this back in my
life. The celebration of the Eucharist in a community setting has always
been very important to me. My own community is an apostolic group and
though we say the office, namely Lauds and Vespers, it does not have the
same priority it does in a monastic community as it was not part of the
community prayer in its foundation. The Eucharist was the primary
community celebration and certain community prayers.
My
call to Oblation, is part of my own spiritual path as a sister and a
Roman Catholic. This continues to nurture me on my journey and I have
felt accepted and welcomed by my new brothers and sisters in the
Companions of St. Luke. To seek God in all things and to listen with
the ear of my heart in a joyful spirit of surrender has been my primary
vocational call and becoming an Oblate seems to be the next step along
the path of life in the school of the Lord’s service.
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